how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
