In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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