a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
