Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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