he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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