i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
