In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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