I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
