im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
