maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
