I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Acid is not a monday night drug
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
