omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
