yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
