my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
