Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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