I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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