the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
