I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
