Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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