Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She bit a glass in half.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
