we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
