So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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