I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
