I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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