just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
