just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
