5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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