I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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