At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
