Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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