but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
