maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
