So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
