I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
