I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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