hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
