I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
