you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
