there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
