i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
