My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
