Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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