When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
