there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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