Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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