My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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