We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
God I need to hump something, right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
