he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
