i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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