What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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