when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
