Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
