I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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